Hill of Doom?
by Fighter le Faye
Summary: ReTi one-shot. So Tifa and Reno got together. She got him to reconcile with the gang and everything's all fine and dandy, to an extent. So how could anything go bad? Especially when you're walking down a hill with Yuffie on it. Nothing, right?


**FF009: Holy macaroni, I got another ReTi for all you lovely people who love ReTi like me! Be warned: there is some randomness.**

**Nanaki: Well, I'm doing the disclaimer since I have so little screen time in Advent Children and Dirge of Cerberus. And none in Crisis Core. I refuse to be called by that name Hojo gave me. A-hem: FaerieFighter009 does not own Final Fantasy VII or its characters. ****She gives thanks to The Sacred and Profane for helping her get the idea for this one-shot.**

**FF009: Can't I own you guys just a little? Just one character? Like you!!**

**Nanaki: No. Now can we go complain to Nomura?**

* * *

**Hill of Doom?**

It was morning in spring. A beautiful, sunny day in Gaia with a clear sky, which was a rare thing since Meteorfall. Rays of light gleamed down through branches of blossoming trees carrying flora, fruit and minty green leaves. Small creatures rustled in the bushes and up trees, the forest full of the birds returning home and singing with each other. Everywhere you looked you saw something that made you smile.That's how the Turk Reno felt, walking through the outskirts of Wutai with a very pretty lady named Tifa Lockhart.

The lanky red head let another smile melt down on him. The city laid below, down the lush hills that survived the civilization of Shinra, remaining an artifact of what the proud nation once looked like.

A light breezed shuffled the green grass around their ankles. Tifa squeezed his hand, offering him a sweet smile when he looked over at her. Maybe it was that new strawberry lip gloss she was wearing. Maybe it was the nurturing glitter in her red-wine eyes. Or maybe it was the way her supple body looked under her plain white T-shirt and hip-hugging blue jeans, the ends cuffed up to show off the new tanned sandals she bought in Costa de Sol.

No, it was just him in love. He wasn't afraid to admit it. He was madly in love.

Reno licked his lips, now remembering the quality time they had in that sun blessed city. But now they were in Wutai. See, a while back, Tifa and Reno got together. Seeing they weren in some relationship, Tifa wanted Reno to spend time with the gang.

But her too.

Mostly her.

Okay, only her when it was time to sleep. Not that they got much sleep.

Bad thoughts, Reno.

That has to wait until tonight when you're were alone in the erotic—excuse me, exotic private vacation home, with silky sheets to explore each other's bodies in.

Bad thoughts Reno. Not now, even if you are alone with her and Cloud is not around to be untrusting and glare all intimidatingly at you. Oh yes, Spiky. The gang, to say the least, was shocked at this relationship. But by the day was over, Yuffie was excited for them, and Nanaki (Red XIII) gave his solemn approval. After biting Reno's leg. True, Tifa got very upset at that, but he wasn't the worst. Nanaki warmed up to the red-haired Turk quickly. Must be a red thing.

Cid and Barret gave Reno a whole new meaning to cussing out a man with rather frightening threats id he ever hurt Tifa. But after Reno shook it off and survived the episode they blew over it, becoming great drinking buddies.

Vincent was an interesting one; he actually was okay, but not outright happy.

In other words he was just the usual.

Must be a Turk thing. It had to be. And also he is a lifesaver for his dignity when he has had a little too much to drink. Plus, Reno did not want to draw out Chaos and have his ability to reproduce taken away. So he had a cool respect for Vincent now. And Cloud?

Cloud left the continent.

Literally.

He drove away on Fenrir all the way to Wutai...where the gang was now.

After the couple of weeks bonding with the gang, Reno had formed friendships with everyone (each a weirder one than the next, he had to admit). When they arrived here and found Cloud training in the mountains, Reno almost became confetti. Luckily Vincent saved him and Yuffie knocked Cloud out by throwing a materia at his spiky head.

(See, they're weird friends.)

They brought Cloud down and when he woke up, he woke up to Tifa waiting with a fearful smile. They talked for hours and hours until sunset. Only those two childhood friends will ever know what they said. But it was worth it: Cloud came out with more life in his face, the confident, cocky Cloud that defeated Sephiroth and dressed in drag to save Reno's sweetheart.

That was the best story Tifa could ever tell him.

Now, alone at last in peace. Beautiful girl, beautiful place, beautiful day. Just perfect.

"Beautiful, huh?" Tifa whispered, lifting her eyes up to the trees, birds chirping in the distance.

"Oh yeah."

Tifa laughed once, poking her elbow in his side. "I was talking about this." She waved a hand out to the forest.

"And I was talking about _this_," Reno whispered intensely, eyes smoldering as he cupped her face, kissing her lips. He pressed a hand on the small of her back as her graceful hands came up to his shoulders to lengthen the moment until she lightly pushed on them, breaking away.

"Reno."

"Yeah?" he asked, giving a carefree smile. Tifa blushed, trying to remember her argument. Reno leaned closer, watching her close her bright eyes in anticipation right when when her stomach growled out loudly.

Tifa blushed redder, eyes popped in horror. Reno blinked a couple times, centimeters from her lips. He pulled back slightly, raising an eyebrow.

"You wanna go get lunch, Tifa?"

"No, I'm—" Her stomach grumbled again. In a breath of laughter she put a hand to her stomach. "Starving."

Reno gave a laugh, turning around and walking ahead. Tifa hung her head, staring at the ground with her hand still on her flat belly. Hearing no footfall behind him Reno turned around, eyes resting on the brunette.

"Tifa?"

"Huh?" Tifa glanced up in innocent surprise. Reno smirked, pocketing his hands as he walked up to her.

"Dreaming about me?" he teased, bending over to her. Tifa opened her mouth but held in the words, rolling her eyes.

"It's nothing. Let's go eat," she insisted, giving him a soft peck on the cheek before grabbing his hand, trodding along the sun-stained ground again. Reno got a silly smile, touching his cheek.

"I can never get over that."

"Over what?"

"You kissing me like that," he answered with a gentle grin. Tifa beamed back before tilting her head to the side.

"Same here, Reno."

Reno laughed quietly, throwing his arm around her neck and kissing her on the cheek. Tifa giggled, wrapping her arm around his waist as they walked down the hills now, close together. Ah, what a beautiful day to be walking down a hill!

"What a beautiful day to be walking down a hill," Tifa sighed, resting her head on his shoulder.

Reno grinned. The birds fluttered out their wings and hurriedly took flight off their resting places. The happy couple happened to overlook a overgrown root on the ground. Reno's foot caught on it, with the result being they trip and roll down the hill wildy to their deaths, yelling at the top of their lungs.

Not death.

But...

* * *

"Ah! What a beautiful day to be walking down a hill!" Yuffie exclaimed, walking down a hill to her hometown, Vincent at her side like a shadow. Silent and dark. And very nice to look at. Until she heard screaming.

Yuffie bounced to a stop, growing very still.

"Hm? Vincent? Do you...hear that?"

"Is that..."

"Screaming?"

They blinked at each other.

And very slowly turned around to f—

**BAM!**

"_KYAAA!!_"

"AAAHH!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

The voices died away as the people rolled faster down the hill and out of hearing range, straight for the bustling town.

"..."

Vincent simply blinked at the spot where Yuffie once stood, his hair waving back at the chaos that narrowly missed him. Nothing remained of the ninja. Only a Summon Materia was left behind—wait, that was his!

With a deep frown he picked it up. Stealing a glance over both shoulders he wordlessly pocketed his Materia and took a different route back to the hotel.

He was never here.

* * *

Tumbling fast down a bumpy hill with twigs and leaves stuck uncomfortably in your clothes and hair with a klepto ninja thief wasn't what Reno would call fun. Everyone screaming for their lives wasn't helping either. For some reason he could only heard Yuffie screaming now. Great, what happened to his girlfriend? What if they squashed her?

Yuffie was so dead.

Before he knew it Reno collided into something stony and hard, almost cracking his skull.

"OW!"

"Ugh, Stupid wall," Yuffie cried to the inanimate object with dizzy eyes, fluttering her arms around in an attempt to get up. Reno groaned, starting to feel the pain all over. He roved his gaze around, snatching up his goggles that fell off.

"Oh my gawd!" Yuffie yelled again, holding a hand over her heart as her young life flashed before her eyes. "I almost died by a hill!"

"Yuffie," Reno grunted, propping up on his hands and knees. "Shut up. This is your fault."

"I-I think I have whiplash!" Yuffie screeched, looking pale and shaky at once, looking down at her arms.

"No you don't," Reno snapped, falling back with a sigh.

"I could have internal bleeding and you're being a jerk to me?! You jerk!"

"SHUT UP, BRAT! WHERE'S TIFA?!"

"It might be too late to save me and—oh." Yuffie blinked abruptly, looking from side to side. "Tifa?" She glanced down. "Did we squash her?"

Reno growled loudly, shaking himself free of the forest as he stood. Yuffie sprang up as well, spinning around for the brunette. Then she touched her pockets.

"Uh-oh."

"Yeah, when you say 'uh-oh', it's usually means you accidentally angered an emotionally unstable silver-haired man that could destroy us all. Or you pissed off Chaos."

Yuffie narrowed her eyes at him but answered.

"My Materia's all gone."

"Then that's a good thing?" Reno replied simply.

Yuffie whacked him in the arm.

"No, I meant ALL of it must have fallen out when you and Tifa sent me to my death on the hill of doom!!" Yuffie shouted, pointing an accusing finger at the Turk, who rolled his eyes and turned around.

"Whatever. You gonna help me find Tifa?"

"But my Materia—"

"Is more important than your friend?" Reno cut in, folding his arms tight as he rounded on her. Yuffie opened her mouth. Then closed it, frowning.

Reno blinked.

Yuffie thought.

Reno narrowed his eyes.

Yuffie thought.

Reno's eyebrow twitched.

Yuffie thought. Then looked up with a smile breaking over her face, her eyes catching something shiny.

"Whatever!" Reno stomped away in search for the martial artist, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Stupid girl, we shouldn't have saved her the last time we came here," he mumbled darkly to himself. A dark brown bird flew down close. Reno glanced at it and turned the corner, feeling very murderous. He didn't even walk down the street when the bird came back to stalk after his head.

Bird die.

Reno swirled around, swinging out his weapon but stopped, seeing it dodge and flutter too high above his head. Reno pivoted on his feet, walking away in long strides.

"Stupid bird," he muttered darkly.

Everything was stupid suddenly. Like that rock at his feet.

"Stupid rock," Reno said under his breath, kicking the rock far.

"Reno."

"What babe...BABE?!"

Jaw dropped, Reno turned around in a daze, eyes dilated in shock at the talking bird, not noticing Yuffie leap down to them. She blinked at him then looked around to what he was looking at.

"Yuffie."

"Oh. My. Ga—"

"Don't, Yuffie. Just...don't."

Yuffie jumped in a flash behind Reno, also not familiar with talking parrots that have the same exact voice as your best friend. Well who would?

The parrot blinked its big, sad brown eyes at them. On closer inspection, they could see there was a red tint in them. Reno ran a hand over his face, groaning.

"You've got to be kidding me..."

* * *

"Ha ha ha, Polly wanna cracker?"

"Oh shut up, Cloud," Tifa the parrot snapped, glaring at the laughing man.

Apparently no one was concern for the martial artist gaining back her human body and were quite content on making fun of her. Sure, it was real nice to see her transformation cured everyone's depression (even Vincent) but she was a bird. Where's the fun in that besides the ability of flight?

And feathers. Holy Sephiroth, she had thick feathers everywhere on her.

Since when was Sephiroth holy I do not know.

"How did this happen?" Reeve asked from his seat at the table (he's on vacation with the gang from WRO for a few days). Reno shrugged, causing him to sigh in frustration. Currently the gang was gathered in one of their hotel rooms, thinking hard on this feathery problem. The window was open, scented breezes lightly pushing through. Reeve, Cid, and Barret were seated at the low table, staring hard in concentration at the black shiny surface.

That or the men are just very interested in shiny things.

Nanaki was curled up near the bedroom door, eyes glued on the parrot that was now his friend Tifa. Yuffie was sitting cross-legged on a big comfy chair, Vincent leaning on the wall next to it, arms folded as usual. Cloud was sitting on the floor, leaning back on the front of Yuffie's chair, occasionally poking at the floating Tifa, who'd snap her beak at him. She only avoided Reno, who was on the floor too, sitting near by and watching Tifa in happy contentment.

But Tifa wasn't happy. Oh no: why would anyone want their boyfriend to see them as a parrot? She felt so ashamed she couldn't even look at her lover: She was a stupid bird. And ugly. And smelled like some kind of fish.

"They fell down a hill," Vincent said simply.

Cid dropped his cigarette (which is saying something) while Barret and Reeve's eyebrows went up. Nanaki raised his head. Cloud dropped his arm, confused. Very confused.

"What?"

"You can defend yourself against those Shinra bastards, but y'all can't even walk down a damn hill properly?!" Cid asked in outrage. Yuffie laughed weakly, grinning while Reno shrugged innocently. Tifa huffed and fluttered away. Cid stared at Yuffie, who immediately ceased her laughs. "What are you laughing about? It's your fault with all the Materia you steal. If you kept your hands to yourself, that Transformation Materia would have gone off on Tifa like it was on crack!"

"I said I'm sorry! I didn't want this to happen!" Yuffie yelled right back. Vincent frowned at the pilot, who flicked his cigarette out the window, mumbling a curse. Barret sighed loudly, realizing this wasn't going to be the type of vacation that was relaxing.

"Everyone, calm down and take a deep breath," Reeve commanded with a steely voice.

Everyone calmed down and took a deep breath.

'Cept Vincent.

"...Now, obviously this was caused by that Materia," Reeve continued gently after a few seconds. Yuffie leaned back in the chair, huffing. "Maybe it collided with another one and this was the result. So how to we reverse it?"

Cloud frowned at the ground, thinking—that could take a while.

"Are you saying Tifa is going to be stuck like this?" Yuffie asked.

Tifa was next to Nanaki, the only animal in the group. But he was a lion/wolf animal. So there wasn't much comfort in it. She huddled near him, very depressed all the same. Reno glanced over at her, causing her to hide behind him.

"Tifa..."

"Don't look at me right now," she mumbled in shame.

"Tifa," Reno moaned, getting up and walking over to her. "Tifa."

"Go away."

Rolling his eyes, Reno squatted down and picked her up. "Hey."

"Bye."

"Now you're being immature," Reno stated with fiery anger, frowning deeply. "Look at me."

"I can still hear you, you know. That should be enough."

"Tifa, knock it off. I've never seen you so pessimistic. It's not you," Reno said with a snap. Tifa opened her eyes. "You're acting like Cloud."

"Hey!"

Everyone stared pointedly at Cloud.

"..."

His Mako blue eyes flashed to each of his friends, slowly losing his resolve.

"...okay, good point."

Everyone looked back to Reno and Tifa the parrot as Cloud folded his arms in a pout. Reno gave her a cocky smile.

"Tifa, you really think I care?" Reno asked softly while his eyes glowed intense. Tifa gave him a stern look.

"Of course. I'm a bird," she protested sadly, spreading a wing out until Reno started to laugh. She clicked her beak together. "Oh, so I'm a joke now too?"

Shaking his head Reno folded his arms and let out a huge sigh. "You really think I'm that shallow?"

"Well of course I—don't, what?" Tifa whirled around, causing a feather to plop down onto his lap. "Wh-what do you mean?" He smirked.

"C'mon, Tifa. I'm serious about you," he said softly, keeping his eyes on her. "I really care about you. I hate to see you so down."

Tifa looked dazed at the Turk, never knowing he felt so deeply about her.

"Really?"

"Yep." He grinned with a wink. "I love you, Tifa.

"Aww!"

"Yuffie, please. Don't ruin the moment: Reno actually has some innocent love," Vincent mumbled, watching the couple with everyone else, who were all wearing silly smiles. Reno rolled his eyes. Yuffie beamed at them.

"But they're so adorable together," she started to say then blinked. "Well, when Tifa changes back, then they will be."

Vincent and Cloud sighed loudly.

"Way to ruin the moment, Yuffie," Cid drawled, getting up from the table. Reeve's shoulders dropped, shaking his head.

"Come on, Tifa. You're still you," Cloud insisted from his corner, leaning toward Tifa floating around. "That's all that should matter."

Tifa looked to him with sad eyes and sighed, digesting what her friend said.

"Yeah...you would know that better than anyone else, would you Cloud?"

Cloud grinned softly, proud of himself when he saw her optimistic self shining back through her eyes. Barret stood up now, shuffling a hand through one of his pockets as he thumped over to Reno and Tifa.

"Hey," he said, nodding over to them. He pulled his metallic hand out, revealing an item in its grasp. "Here's a Remedy. That should fi—"

"_WHAT?!"_ Cloud and Yuffie screamed together, springing up. Reno fell over while Nanaki sweat dropped.

"Why didn't you say anything before?!" Tifa squawked, buzzing right in front of his face.

"No one ever asked me!" Barret yelled so forcefully it sent Tifa flying to the ground in a dizzy daze. He blinked, not knowing he could do that. Reeve started to chuckle, quickly hiding it by busying himself with his drink. Barret rubbed the side of his neck, throwing it down to Reno (who recovered himself just in time). "Plus, I wanted to know how much Reno cared about you. Apparently...more than enough."

He walked away, looking embarrassed. Vincent was actually smiling warmly from the shadows.

"Barret," Tifa whispered, touched at the heart. Barret walked to the door where Cid was waiting, another cigarette in his mouth. "Thank you," she uttered under the swish of the opening door. Barret raised a hand over his shoulder and the door closed behind him.

Reno threw the Remedy in the air and caught it. "Ready, babe?"

Tifa nodded.

"Oh! Oh!" Yuffie thumped into Reno's back and snatching away the Remedy. "Let me do it!"

"Yuffie—"

"Wait a—"

"I don't think that's the—"

The young woman threw the item at Tifa, cutting them off. The impact created a huge poof of smoke, making everyone jump.

"OW! Yuffie!! You hit me in the eye!" the martial artist yelled, holding her gloved hands over her left eye. Wait...

"Tifa!!" Yuffie exclaimed, tears of joy in her eyes, which were seeing a fully human Tifa kneeling on the ground in front of her. She bounded over and hugged her tight. "Tifa, I'm so sorry for that!"

Tifa laughed a little, hugging her back. "It's okay. I'm not mad at you. And, it was Reno's fault for tripping on the root."

Reno threw his hands up in defeat as Reeve laughed. Cloud smirked as Yuffie let her go.

"Good to have you back," Vincent nodded, trying not to let out a laugh. Tifa nodded back with a genuine smile. He focused on Yuffie walking over to him just when Reno stared over to her. He held his arms out to her, a regretful expression on his face.

"You still mad I caused all this," he asked with a cute pout. Tifa's eyes twinkled, mocking a serious, pondering look.

"Mmm, no." Reno's eyes widened, surprised. "Because now I know what you really think about me."

Tifa shied a smile in her shoulder before she saw his reaction, feeling the heat rise in her face. In a second it was being buried in Reno's chest, his arms tightening around her in a embrace. Yuffie sighed happily, about to make a comment. But then Cid's cellphone, which was left on the table, started to vibrate. Reeve groaned at the interruption, picking it up as everyone blinked over to him.

"It's Shera," he laughed lightheartedly, eyes crinkled with a smile. He picked himself up in a stand. "I'm going to go after them and let them know," he announced slowly and made his exit. Nanaki and Vincent stood up, taking the hint. Vincent motioned at Yuffie to follow.

"Yeah, we're going too," she said, smiling sheepishly. She waved over to Reno and Tifa watching them from the ground, still kneeling on the ground. "See you later tonight!"

Tifa waved back, a smile tugging her lips up from behind Reno's strong shoulder. Reno gave them a mock salute as the group walked for the door.

A group that did not include Cloud, who was glaring unimprovingly at the red head, as if his eyes could some turn Reno into a parrot. He kept thinking of evil plans, not even able to blink when the ninja sped over to him like lightning.

"You're coming too, mister!!" Yuffie yelled at him, wrenching him away by the collar of his shirt and out the door, Reeve quickly shutting the door behind them. Tifa could have sworn she heard Vincent laughing out loud at the swordsman.

She laughed weakly, leaning forward on him and tighting the hug. She groaned, very comfortable in his arms.

"You were right," she confessed. Reno raised an eyebrow down at her. With a smirk she lifted her head to meet his confused gaze. Tifa laughed before capturing his lips, holding the back of his neck to deepen the electrifying contact. Slowly she pulled back, taking a deep breath as she opened her eyes. She met his eye and huffed out.

"My friends are _really_ weird."

* * *

**Gah, that was so bad. Argh! I'm sorry, I bet that was all crappy. Argh, I'm sorry!**

**Sorry if the ending was all blah -.-**

**I can honestly say from experience that walking down a hill is VERY dangerous. You never know when your friends are gonna decide to trip on something and barrel down on you. Hills are dangerous lol**

**FF009**


End file.
